Joan Rivers

Legendary US comedienne Joan Rivers has just returned to British screens on channel Five in her no-holds-barred chat show The Joan Rivers' Position. Today she's giving me her position on the joys of laughter. She says she is absolutely delighted to have recently discovered that the best thing about a good giggle is never having to drag yourself to the dreaded gym.

"Did you know, if you laugh 100 times every day it's equivalent to 10 minutes of aerobic exercise? So every time I laugh I think, yes, two minutes less on the treadmill," Joan beams happily.

"I hate aerobics," she continues. "I've never once got that high you're supposed to get from exercise, and I also hate people who carry water everywhere too - I mean anyone who walks around with a bottle of Evian is a moron!" She exclaims, flashing her trademark grin.

At 71-years-old and standing just short of 5ft 2in in stocking feet, diminutive Joan, the daughter of Russian immigrants, looks freakishly young for her age. And she herself would be more than happy to tell you - in full Technicolor if you asked very nicely - that her polished appearance is down to her well-documented love of cosmetic surgery.

"It's that feeling when you look in the mirror and you're not disgusted with yourself," she says of her multiple tweaking sessions under the surgeon's knife. "It's not about what others think of you or knocking the years off," she says. "It's a bit like how you would rather look at your car or apartment ? supershined or dirty and horrible?

"They will tell you about their sex life or how much money they have in the bank of course, but when it comes to cosmetic surgery they won't say a thing."

"The worst thing about plastic surgery is that everybody is doing it and won't tell you," she explains, her voice taking on a slightly more combative quality. "Lying isn't the word - they will tell you about their sex life or how much money they have in the bank of course, but when it comes to cosmetic surgery they won't say a thing. It makes me so mad because there's all this stuff about how women should stick together, except when it comes to looking better than each other."

Outspoken Joan, who is in the UK to film the second series of her talk show, is definitely no stranger to controversy. Her unique tongue-in-cheek style certainly hasn't disappointed British fans this time around, especially with celebrities such as Jerry Hall, Brigitte Nielsen and Graham Norton bravely seeking advice from the Queen Of Barbed One-liners, as she has become known over the years.

"We're doing celebrities as well as civilians this time, because everybody's got problems, no matter who they are or how things look to the outside world, and humour will always get everybody talking," Joan cackles. "I often get chastised for it, but tough. If you're not honest with yourself then you'll never solve your problems."

Her first marriage at 21 to James Sanger, the son of a department store owner, lasted only six months. Her second - to Englishman Edgar Rosenberg, who is father to her 36-year-old daughter Melissa - lasted 22 years and ended just three days before his suicide in 1987. And just a couple of years ago her nine-year relationship with 76-year-old millionaire Orin Lehman, sadly ended; and true romance seems to have been in short supply ever since.

"I hate older men and I hate younger men so I'm really screwed!" Joan jokes. "Men never grow up and the marriages that work are [ones with] the women that just accept it. I'd love to meet somebody, but I do have the greatest life - a lot of people don't appreciate what they have. But when everything went to hell for me and I got fired, I got kicked out, I couldn't find work, my husband committed suicide and my daughter wasn't talking to me, everything was taken away - I had a far better appreciation of what I had when I rebuilt it all."